ADullAche

Now that things are supposedly settled here in the states, (hey, Russert said Obama will be the nominee, and a recent CNBC poll said next to Moses, the world trusts Russert the most), let’s look at the big wide world for bit.

Not all of it,  just Russia. In the last few months Putin played Bush and NATO for saps, and claimed a big chunk of the North Pole for Mother Russian. Then,  just yesterday installed himself as Prime Minister after eight years of being president – some of the blogs are calling it a quiet coup. Below is a column I wrote a year ago.

THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING…THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING…

finally, some good news

 

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone who has longed for the good old days of the Evil Empire; Russia is back. It’s saber rattling, threatening America, doing business with our enemies (pretty easy as everyone hates us), building anti-missile-missiles so there won’t be a missile-anti-missile-missile gap, and Condi is out there saying the Cold War isn’t heating up again…which is a sure sign it is.

Truth is, the whole “War on Terror” thing is wearing a little thin. Who are we fighting? They don’t wave a flag, sing a national anthem or wear uniforms. Sometimes their clothes don’t even match. How are we supposed to fight guys who won’t color coordinate? It’s time to face the truth; this whole Islamo-Fascist thing is a bust, just like Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz.

But just when we’re bogged down in Iraq, and Dubya is running around the White House putting sand bags against the doors and window so there’s no chance of sense or reason getting in, we catch a break: enter Russia’s President (let’s call him Premier or First Secretary and dispense with the democratic charade) Vladimir Putin.

Putin—the guy whose soul the President had a “sense of” (oops, missed another one Georgie-boy)—is an old Soviet style leader. He’s a touch power mad, probably corrupt, and a first rate demagogue.

Here’s where it gets good. Last month, Putin warned the United States not to build a Missile Defense System in Central Europe—in his backyard—a missile system that could very well be used against Russia. There’s no information that says America has any plans to attack Russia (not that Cheney wouldn’t love to use a nuke somewhere—watch the skies New Jersey), but I’ll bet there are Russian attack and counter-attack contingencies filling entire rooms at the Pentagon. They had fifty years to work on them.

Let’s dust them off, then it can be just like the good old days.

They were the bad guys, we were the good guys, much less moral ambiguity—just the stars and strips vs. the hammer and sickle. I really hope Putin starts banging his shoe on the table.

We need the big bogeyman of the Russians. Tom Clancy didn’t get rich writing about a bunch of guys hiding in caves in Afghanistan. The Middle East’ll do in a pinch, and sure, your run-of-the-mill Muslim Extremist driving around with a nuke in the back of a pickup truck is scary, but nothing causes national nightmares like silos full of Russkie ICBM’s, nuclear submarines, a big ol’ standing army where everyone wears the same color, and the strains of old Soviet/new Russian anthem coming through a headset…now that’s an enemy.

So let’s pull our troops out of Iraq and put ‘em back on the German border where they belong.

Putin

Putin

He’s our man

He does it better than Osama can

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 8th, 2008 at 10:03 am and is filed under Political Satire/Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. Edit this entry.