ADullAche

Here’s yet another sign that you need to set four extra places at the table (and don’t seat Pestilence next to War, they don’t get along) – the price of shit is soaring.

Along with oil, wheat, rice and anything else that used to cost less, the price of Peruvian guano is going up, up, up. (You can read all about here: New York Times)

Like most of history, this has happened before. There was quite a bit of guano intrigue in the 19^th century, wars were even fought over it…something we seem to be familiar with in the 21^st Century. (The product is different, the war is the same.)

For now, let’s forget about this being a cautionary tale, let’s ignore the political parallels about greed and imperialism (who would have thought we’d dig up that word again), and let’s focus on the really important issue here: if the price of bird shit is going up, there must be something laying around the house that could make us all a few extra bucks.

Many years ago, I used to hear a guy on the radio who told us to save our butter paper. Yes, the paper that butter is wrapped in. I don’t recall why, but I’ll bet it had something to do with the coming Apocalypse and how it would be currency in the distopic future, which has now arrived thanks to Bush Co. – so I check the NASDAQ every day for the butter paper indexes.

I’m also sneaking around the neighborhood, ‘collecting’ all the sidewalk chalk I can find. (You know those big pieces of colored chalk kids use to decorate everything, including your new Prius.) Turns out most of that stuff is made in China, and like every child’s toy made in China, it’s full of lead. With all the lead they’re putting in stuff, it’s got to be running low…lead could be next year’s gold.

So rummage through the shed and comb the backyard, because I’ll bet with a little imagination and a small touch of insight, we could all be rich as Cheney in no time…and without selling our souls.